If You Must Nag, Nag Well

Your loved one has a chronic disease. How do you help support their self-management and self-care without needlessly nagging?

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Nagging

Helpful Highlights

Chronic disease self-management

Self-management of chronic conditions involves partnerships (you and your loved one, them and their provider) to support sticking to long-term treatments and lifetime wellness behaviors that can improve overall health. This approach typically includes learning, making, and maintaining multiple changes in diet, exercise, and the use of prescribed medications, as well as managing complex communications with family, healthcare providers, and systems (healthcare, financial, insurance, etc.).

How do I avoid being a nag or becoming their 'mother'?

Being a nag or a 'mother' is just as unpleasant as being nagged or mothered! However, you have to give yourself permission to nag sometimes. That is, as long as you're nagging with purpose, not needlessly.

What does being a nag look like?

What does being a 'mother' look like?

Rebellion is real, at any age

But... I just want what's best for them!

You know this, we know this, they know this. Just keep in mind that it's important to include your loved one in deciding what's best for them, and remain cognizant that what you do for them inspires and supports them doing it themselves rather than simply taking over. Making choices for them isn't the same as helping them make choices.

Again, some nagging is good, when it's used to reinforce positive daily behaviors, but you have to be very observant of your loved one and very self-aware to recognize when you're getting close to crossing a line of defeat - theirs and yours.

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RESOURCES

Allegrante, J.P., Wells, M.T., & Peterson, J.C. (2019). Interventions to support behavioral self-management of chronic diseases. Annual Review of Public Health, 40, 127-146. DOI

CDC

Hessler, D.M., Fisher, L., Bowyer, V., Dickinson, L.M., Jortberg, B.T., Kwan, B., Fernald, D.H., Simpson, M., & Dickinson, W.P. (2019). Self-management support for chronic disease in primary care: frequency of patient self-management problems and patient reported priorities, and alignment with ultimate behavior goal selection. BMC Family Practice, 20, 120. DOI

Judah, G., Gardner, B., Kenward, M.G., DeStavola, B., & Aunger, R. (2018). BMC Psychology, 6, 62. DOI

McGovern, A.R., Alexopoulos, G.S., Yuen, G.S., Morimoto, S.S., & Gunning, F.M. (2014). Reward-related decision making in older adults: Relationship to clinical presentation of depression. International Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry, 29(11), 1125-1131. doi: 10.1002/gps.4200

National Council on Aging (NCOA). (2023, March 13). Get the facts on chronic disease self-management. Center for Healthy Aging for Professionals. Link

Opitz, L., Wagner, F., Rogenz, J., Maas, J., Schmidt, A., Brodoehl, S., & Klingner, C.M. (2022). Still wanting to win: Reward system stability in healthy aging. Frontiers in Aging Neuroscience, 14. DOI

Rubin, G. (2009). Fifteen tips to avoid nagging. Psychology Today. Link

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