Caregiving Challenges, Your Loved One is Moving In with You

You're aging loved one is moving in with you (or you're thinking about it). This is tough. Here are some considerations.

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Loved One Moving In

Helpful Highlights

A family’s living situation will be impacted when an older adult moves in. Before the decision is made, an upfront and direct discussion around concerns, feelings, and expectations is needed. Depending on personalities and family history, such conversations can be easy or problematic, but whatever the dynamics, the discussion must happen. The living situation and caretaking role change can bring social, psychological, and financial burdens. Without thorough consideration and discussion, it can negatively affect your relationship.

Develop a written plan

Think ahead and account for your loved one’s needs (not wants) — and yours.

Emotional impact

Moving your aging loved one in with you is a complex and wide-ranging emotional experience that can affect your relationship with your spouse/partner or children.

Finances

Create a new budget.

Taking over your parent’s finances. Discuss plans for handling your loved one’s financial affairs before they show signs of decline. You will be better positioned to help protect their assets. Remember, the purpose of having the "money talk” with your loved one is to ensure they have sufficient savings to meet their needs, adequate insurance to cover future medical and long-term care costs, and that they have designated individuals (power of attorneys) to make financial and medical decisions on their behalf if they become ill or mentally incapacitated. This will reassure them that you do not wish to hide or steal their money.

Those perceptions can occur because your loved one grew up and worked in a time when it was engrained that every cent had value and a purpose - that nothing was wasted and luxuries were few, a time when they were constantly reminded how hard they worked for every dollar, and a time when income taxes continued to increase and it was emphasized to them that banks, investors, and the government could not be trusted. They were also raised to keep financial information private and never share it. Even if they need help, they may not know how to ask for it and may remain uncomfortable (even irritable) giving up control.

Financial considerations. Many people opt to consult an elder attorney, a tax professional, or a financial professional to explore opportunities and the wisest course of action.  In this case, expect:

Identify your loved one’s needs (not wants)

Identify the level of care needed and make sure that care can be provided in your home, either by you and your family members or with outside assistance. Think about daily routine activities like driving, preparing meals, housework, shopping, managing finances, medication management, etc., as well as eating, dressing, bathing, restroom assistance, and other personal care matters.

Try to limit other stressful life changes (if you can)

Give yourself some space and grace to adjust. Adjusting to your loved one moving in with you will take time. This is a big emotional and practical change and is hard on even the healthiest of relationships. So, be patient with yourself, your spouse/partner, your children, and your loved one.

Try to avoid major life events or purchases during this time of transition (job change, room renovation or addition, big vacation, even a new diet). Avoiding these during this transition will help ensure your own esteem and success. Making major changes should be put on hold for a few months.

Most importantly... Expect the unexpected. And, unfortunately, there is no way to elaborate on that or make any predictions. Examples may be kitchen accidents, important events missed or forgotten, an added expense, a health crisis, or something breaking.

Loop in the rest of the family

Caregiving needs

The pros and cons

Integrating the needs of your loved one with needs and wishes for your own life can be tough.  If the arrangement isn’t going well, if there is a lot of struggle and conflict, or if the caregiving tasks are more than you can manage, it can lead to resentment and strain in your family.

However, it can be an incredibly enriching and rewarding experience living with an aging loved one in their final phase of life. You may become closer than you've ever been, your family, too. You may find many tender moments that you will cherish forever. In fact, thousands like you say that it was the hardest promise they ever kept… And they would do it again.

No content in this app, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct medical advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.

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