Mindful Listening
Practicing tuning into a conversation partner can increase feelings of empathy, connectedness, and help navigate tough conversations.
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Active listening is a major aspect of mental health therapy and what often allows for vulnerability to explore important issues. A therapist demonstrates presence in conversation by asking questions to ensure understanding and centering the speaker.
However, it's not only useful in the therapy room; it is a skill that can be practiced and honed by anyone. It's easy to be overwhelmed by the amount of information swirling in our heads at one time—which in turn can make it difficult to have a conversation without feeling distracted by our own stuff.
Listening mindfully allows more chance to genuinely connect with people around us. When we tune in to the experiences of someone else, we relate to them with more depth. Meeting someone with understanding and curiosity is particularly useful in tough conversations like arguments.
Active Listening Practices
Paraphrase: Repeating back to the speaker in your own words demonstrates that you understand what was said and allows an opportunity to be corrected to more clearly understand: "it sounds like you're saying..." or "what I heard you say was...." or "do you mean...".
Ask questions to clarify: Asking signals interest in learning and correctly understanding. Focus on understanding someone's thought process or feelings—it may be as simple as "what was that like for you?"
Demonstrate empathy: Paraphrasing and questions can help you better understand someone's emotional experience, which in turn can help you identify the speaker's emotions. Focus on understanding their emotional experience in that moment instead of your reaction to it.
Consider body language: Showing attention doesn't just come through in the words you say. Facing the speaker with relaxed posture, arms uncrossed, without material distractions can help you both attune to each other.
Focus on their experience, not yours: Stay with the speaker and their experience, even though your mind may wander to something similar you went through, or even things you need to get done today.
Sources
https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/active_listening
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conscious-communication/201703/mindful-listening
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